lifestyle

Hello August! Life update and a huge announcement

Fun fact about me — I love August to bits. It is my birthday month, Summer is in full swing, and for a little while, I feel like a child again.

Also, it has proved to be an eventful month in my life story, with a long tracked record of revolutionary changes happening. This year is not an exception, which is the reason why I am writing this post.

Sometimes, I can be quite shy about sharing day-to-day details of my life (there are other topics I can write until the kingdom come, though: how obsessed I am about this Giambattista Valli necklace, or why the hell did Netflix cancelled The OA — that was unfair game, Netflix, really…)

But how has been life like, lately?

Well, for starts our phase in Romania comes to an end. In case you are wondering, I have mixed feelings about it: on the one hand, the six years we spent here were a wonderful and enriching cultural experience I will treasure in my heart forever; on the other hand, I also feel it’s time to start the next episode of our lives. Somehow, Father Universe seems to agree, since he sent us some news that will affect our current situation.

But let’s go one step at a time.

First of all, we needed a rest

And by that, I really mean it. Sebastian’s career as a researcher can be demanding with long weekly working marathons. At this point of the year, he feels exhausted, and we take our holidays in August accordingly. Our original program included a one-week-long trip to the seaside this Summer, but a sequence of unexpected events pulled the plug on the plan. Hence, we reconsidered the circumstances and decided to visit Budapest for my birthday instead, just as we did the last two years. No need to say we are super excited about it.

At the same time, I started feeling all my potential wasn’t fully released

When I first started in my 9 to 5 new job a couple of years ago, it was OK with me. I worked hard, sure, but I was highly qualified for the position and felt satisfied, being an efficient and proactive professional. However, at a certain point I started feeling slightly stuck: the job turned quite repetitive and, in all honesty, my skills set was wasted. Also, growing opportunities inside the company were close to non-existent. At that point, I figured out I would feel happier by developing my abilities, so the next step seemed obvious.

Just as I began feeling stuck, my husband contract expired and new opportunities popped out. I will not go into further detail, but several factors aligned for us to move abroad. And here is where things turned super exciting.

We are moving to London!

Professionally, this is the most interesting option for us both — nevertheless, it is not the only reason. When I traveled as a student there back in 2010, I fell in love with London. It is such a lively place, with an amazing multicultural background where you can learn and experience so much. By nature, we are both curious people who feel much more comfortable in big cities and London is the perfect place for us to finally settle down.

And this was my life update for now. I know it was a short post but I think you deserve to know why you will be seeing some changes around here starting this Autumn. Stay tuned for more!

August 12, 2019August 15, 2019

Allegra Caro16 Comments

Five amazing women-led podcasts to empower you

“Video killed the radio star“, or so The Buggles said.

With the social media bloom and the proliferation of platforms such as Youtube, the radio seemed a thing of the past. (And we couldn’t have been more mistaken, that was embarrassing… Oops!) Against all predictions, podcasts were born and then developed into an unstoppable wave. The secret behind their success might be their simplicity, as well as their mental floss dimension — they will brush your psychic over-charge away.

Personally? I value them as luxury self-care time these days, as I need to be present, listening, enjoying some mindfulness. And yes, I used to think they were Jurassic and a bit lame too (I am not the brightest bulb in the chandelier), but here I am now: I listen to them in the shower, while having my morning coffee, and — strangely enough — when washing my teeth. I am a total converse.

These days, one can find a podcast for every topic on Earth but I took the liberty of selecting five seriously amazing podcasts led by women for you. They are witty, they are badass and the epitome of #girlboss.

Do you want to know them? Here you go!

Five awesome women-led podcasts to empower you.

1.The Beauty Closet by Goop

On the first episode, I fell in love with the friendliness of Jean and Megan, who sat down with the wonderful Gwyneth Paltrow for some real talk. OH MY. You need to listen to her dissecting the essence of female identity versus gender roles, aging, and mental health on her natural, fun way. As Goop founder, Paltrow provides a unique angle to clean beauty and eating too. And yeah, don’t tell anyone, but my new mission in life is to become Jean, Megan and G.P.’s BFF. Just saying…

2. At Home With by Anne Newton and Lily Pebbles

Of course, you already know Anna and Lily, right? (If you don’t, just stop it there and google their names. Don’t even bother finishing this article. I MEAN IT.) Their catch-up-with-friends podcast format is nothing but addictive. I can guarantee you will feel at home while listening to these two chatting with successful bloggers and entrepreneurs, splashing their bubbly personalities in the process. In the way, you will learn everything about the fashion, lifestyle and beauty industries. Their biggest strength? They will make you feel as if you were having a cup of coffee with them.

3. The Goal Digger by Jenna Kutcher

Let me tell you something about Jenna: she is passionate about helping other women out. The Goal Digger is a business-oriented show, that navigates every aspect of building a project online: from Instagram sponsorships to generating a passive income. I find most of the knowledge applicable to my own blog and can only recommend to anyone interested in having a sneak peek behind the industry scenes.

4.The Influencer Podcast by Julie Solomon

This is the one I listen to when my morning coffee is not doing its thing and I really need that energy boost. I ain’t gonna cheat on you — I love Jenna to bits. She is friendly, she is bold, and she is not afraid to curse when required. Hitherto, one of my favourite episodes features the wonderful Casey Goode, who speaks plainly about how to create human connections and a long-term relationship with your online audience.

5. Unladylike by Cristen Conger and Caroline Ervin

“Find out what happens when women break the rules – those unwritten but all too real bullsh*t expectations of how we should live our lives.” Catchy, right? Please, don’t expect Caroline and Cristen to be your typical political correct hosts. They are more concerned about analyzing the roots and consequences of cultural constructions such as gender, race, or class, and the length of their impact on women’s lives. It might sound deep and complicated, but their show is humorous and easy-going, covering topics all kind of topics from makeup as a confrontational statement to how to kick off high heels at work. So, if you need a boost of confidence, this is the one to listen.

And these were my five top women-led podcasts recommendations.

Are you a podcast lover too? Which ones would you recommend?

August 2, 2019August 2, 2019

Allegra Caro11 Comments

How to boost your self-confidence and feel good in your Summer clothes

Few things scream Summer quite as loudly as gingham does, an evergreen classic that comes back every June. Its sacred status quo partially originates from a simple idea: the fabric is supposed to work for just about anyone. At least, that’s what I thought when I saw these shorts in Zara last Summer.

This tale starts like any fashionista love story — a girl who falls for an item of clothing in a heartbeat and reaches for the cash desk. But love is not all wine and roses, is it? Once I arrived home, I tried the trousers immediately (I only trust the natural light in my bedroom), and was nothing but disheartened. Those shorts totally cheated on me!

Horrified, I double-checked myself in the mirror: every flaw and insecurity, showing in every inch of exposed skin. I must admit I felt so bad, I didn’t even dare to return the trousers to the shop and simply threw them in the deepest part of the closet, banished forever. Then, I forgot about their existence.

Like any other women, I frequently feel self-conscious about my appearance and Summer turns into a cyclic challenge. No matter how resilient you are most of the time, the warm season with its demands of body confidence can take its toll. I lost track of how many times my husband repeated every woman has cellulite, or freckles, or small depigmentation patches because the truth is, the only voice you can hear in such junctures, is the one in your head. And guys, that’s not a nice voice.

Over the last half a year I was in a bad place, mentally. Work stress, hormonal changes, and some insecurities related to our next destination made me feel overwhelmed at times. And I had to work my ass off to leave that dark place. Because if there is one thing I can say about myself without hesitation, it’s I am a stubborn fighter who will not give up.

So, I started thinking, what can I do to feel better? And eventually, I started applying these thoughts to my body image too. I am not going to lie — it took work and will, and I am still fighting every day. But overall? It was worth it.

So, these are my 100% honest tips on how to boost your self-esteem this Summer.

1. Distance yourself from your body-conflict one second and analyze actual biologic factors

Is your monthly cycle affecting your body shape or perception? Are you stressed or dieting? When your hormones are out of order, this affects your mood. The reason can be found on the imbalance between Oestrogen and Serotonin. Likewise, if you’re currently dieting, there’s also a chance that your brain is in starvation mode. At that point, it conserves resources for survival which can leave you less capacity to think in a flexible and objective way about the way you look.

2. Focus on your strengths

None of us is made of flaws only. Think about your best physical qualities. Are your arms firm? Have you got a glowy skin? What about your eyes or your hair? We all have some charms and they are there, waiting for you to discover them.

3. Feed to nourish

Look, we have all been there, even the skinny type ladies: emotional eating is a fact. Instead of obsessing over the perfection of all those fitness model-like influencers out there, try not to compare yourself with them. Be generous and instead of restricting calories or food groups, try to nourish. You might know already that brain-friendly foods include coconut oil, oily fish, nuts, dark leafy greens, etc. And as I previously mentioned, most of our body-image issues are related to brain starvation mode.

4. If you need professional help, ask for it

We would never judge anyone for going to the dentist, so why to judge those going to therapy? This is certainly a taboo we need to kill. If you feel a therapist might be the solution to your problem, do not hesitate to make an appointment. Mostly everyone needs professional help at some point and that’s fine.

Just to finish the story, while cleaning my wardrobe last Spring, I found those infamous gingham shorts and decided to give them another shot. The patches, freckles, and cellulite were still there, but my mind was in a better place now.

And you know what? Life is too short to care.

Blouse: Zara / Gingham shorts: Zara (last season, very similar here)

Shoes: Dolce & Gabbana (old model, alternative here)

Bag: CHANEL / Sunglasses: Zara (Old, Dolce & Gabbana option here)

July 30, 2019July 30, 2019

Allegra Caro10 Comments

In praise of Insta-husbands: The truth about those men taking our pictures

The curtain rises: a girl in her best bib and tucker (perfect ombré hair, polished nails, a thousand euro designer bag) positions herself under a floral arch at the closest coffee shop door; her husbands enters the scene, camera in hand, and starts patiently shooting professional photos of her. He never complains. He works for free every weekend, though.

In 2019, this could be described as contemporary drama and is carefully performed in every developed country on a daily basis. The presentation has become so common, nobody raises an eyebrow anymore. After all, you know what they say – it didn’t really happen unless it is on Instagram…

This sort of post-modern philosophy seems to leave you with two options only: Being invisible, irrelevant, or endlessly working for that perfect shot that will make it to the Internet. However, for people making a living from blogging and social media, there is one choice only.

Some would say that a logical approach to the business plan must include photography budget (and they are probably right), but with a competitive market making more and more difficult to start a small company, most bloggers find themselves saving a significant amount of money by kindly asking their partners to give them a hand.

This, my friends, is the first act of an elaborated melodrama work that more often than not, develops into Greek tragedy.

On the weekend, I joined a friend for some last-minute Margaritas evening. While waiting for the cocktails to come, she commented on how excited she was about her upcoming trip to Santorini. ‘My husband is not that happy thought‘, she said inadvertently, ‘he resents the time we spend taking photos for Insta during holiday‘.

That sentence turned a red light in my head as I could not help but wonder: is Instagram affecting our romantic relationships too?

Intrigued, I made my research as soon as I reached home; unfortunately, the results look quite depressing in terms of numbers.

According to a study conducted by the International Currency Exchange (ICE), Brit holidaymakers spend 22 hours and 36 minutes over a nine days long trip taking snaps to post on social media. Yes, that’s an entire day. Nuts.

But let me share my own experience. When I first started part-time blogging last November, I knew my husband skills with the camera were essential. However, I underestimated how much time, effort and will it would take for him to help me – we are speaking about weekends and off days, some precious hours that could be used on something else, surely. Sometimes, the pressure of taking a nice photo that we can use for my blog can be slightly overwhelming too.

And this is when you need to establish limits.

For us, it is all about integrating photo sessions in our dates but limiting their length. On a typical day out we will spend one-hour maximum working and then the camera is packed away for good. If by any chance we don’t feel like taking pictures on a given occasion, we leave the equipment at home. That way we enjoy some quality time together. Once in a while, I will book a session with a professional photographer, so my husband gets some relief and I still have some pictures to use. As a blogger, these decisions might be far from perfect, but taking care of my relationship is a personal priority.

But what happens to those who become 24/7 Insta-husbands? How do they cope with a brand new demanding career that is so recent and frequently misunderstood?

Social perception on the matter is linked to issues such as Fragile Masculinity. For some, it may be hard to shift from a traditional system in which men were considered the main providers to a new role as career supporters. Those men might be ready to become professional assistants, photographers, and editors but society is still making fun of them (and the women who allegedly force them to be “trivial”).

Taking endless pictures of their wives/girlfriends? Is that even a job? (Spoiler alert: IT IS). It takes guts and a healthy dose of deconstruction for them to become the man behind the great woman. Even when it means to earn much more money, potentially. As for society? Well, only time will tell.

In the meantime, we can all support Insta-husbands (and Instagrammers) publicly by showing some respect for the work they do. Blogging might be a new industry, but people working hard in front and behind the camera are professionals and do deserve acknowledgment.

Do you think their job is a no-brainer? Well, I suggest you taking part in a little experiment: try to take a good picture (and I mean a professional one), then edit it, and oh, don’t forget to curate an entire feed that works smoothly together in the process. Easy-peasy, right?

After all, an Instagram husband would manage…

July 23, 2019July 23, 2019

Allegra Caro8 Comments

My story as a nervous flyer: five tips to beat the fear

When Amelia Earhart said that the lure of flying is the lure of beauty, she wasn’t thinking about nervous flyers.

At the time writing this post, it is a glorious Friday morning and although 5th Piano Concerto ‘Emperor‘ is playing in the background, and the sunlight caresses the white kitchen walls while I wait for my coffee to be ready, I can’t feel any serenity. The reason? I am taking a flight to London in about seven hours, and the mere thought compresses my stomach. Yes, you guessed it: I am a nervous flyer.

For starters, I should probably clarify I am not one of the most severe cases ever. To me, the main trigger is boarding alone, rather than the flight itself. Hence, I only experience this kind of anxiety in the few occasions I need to travel all by myself.

Over the years, I tried different techniques to relieve my stress levels but since most of the international flights in Europe last two-three hours tops, I never took the time to search for real solutions. Last Winter though, Sebastian and I booked an eleven hours trip to Tokyo, and I immediately knew I would need to find a fix to make it sane to the other side of the globe.

It was a long process and it took a good deal of trial and error but at the end of the day, I managed to figure out a bunch of relaxation techniques which can make a difference in the way you experience a flight. In all honestly? It was enlightening. Just imagine to be able to block most of the negativity and reduce it to the extent that you are able to be functional again.

But how do you do that?

These are my five tips to get over flight anxiety.

1. Embrace a simple but revolutionary idea: you are NOT in charge

And do you know what? That is totally alright.

Our natural instinct is trying to control any situation. If by any chance you are a control freak (hello there old soul mate!), you will have a hard time on a plane surely. Try something new instead: follow the air crew instructions, take a deep breath and accept you are not in control – not here, not now. Embracing the chaos might sound like a silly cliché, but I find it truly comforting.

2. Instead of thinking about the flight duration as a punishment, treat it as a well-deserved rest

I know, it is difficult to see any in-board time as a luxury when the eternal promise of a noisy seat neighbour is floating on the air like a threat to your mental integrity – but please, believe me when I tell you that it is all about your own attitude. Don’t reach for your work laptop or tablet. Instead, use the time to eat something delicious (avoiding crappy tourist class food can be a good idea) or watch a nice film on your laptop. Catching up with some beloved podcasts is a personal favourite of mine but you should be able to find something to treat yourself.

3. Block as much unpleasant ambient noise as possible

Children crying, repetitive coffee announcements from the crew, motor noise… Personally, I can’t stand those. Since I was a child, I suffer from a light form of Mishophonia that can be aggravated on stressful situations, so blocking any unpleasant sound is a must. Last year, I started packing some headphones on my cabin luggage and so far, it has proved life-changing. Ear plugs are a great option if you wish to go for a cat nap too.

If you are a frequent flyer though, you might consider investing in some noise-cancelling headphones. My current best-loved are the Beat Studio 3 Wireless Headphones (they are foldable, wireless and they offer up to 22 hours of battery), but there are plenty of options out there.

4. Get yourself comfortable

It could be argued that long flights main issue is the lack of comfort: limited personal space and sturdy seats are a terrible match for sure. Nonetheless, there are a few tricks you can use to improve your rest. Have you ever thought of spending some cash on a memory-foam travel pillow, or even an Ostrich Pillow model (my own choice)? Wrapping yourself in a nice, soft cardigan or jumper is also a good idea since it will help you to sleep better if needed.

5. When things go wild, turn to rescue remedy

It might be anything from a lavender soothing spray to a luxury spa hand-cream. Take some time and search for a few products which essence and consistency will immediately make you feel safe and relaxed. Then prepare an emergency kit and pack it in your cabin luggage. In case you are curious about it, I personally trust Rosa Centifolia Hand Treatment Cream and La Creme Main Texture Riche to make me feel in a spa when travelling but any nice scent product will do.

April 30, 2019June 4, 2019

Allegra Caro6 Comments

A Day in a blogger’s life: Expectations vs. Reality

Oh, the Internet! That little funny place where you can be whoever you want and share it with anyone, anywhere. Isn’t that magical? It’s 2019 now and we have got used to living online, almost 24/7. Pre-Instagram existence seems only a dream and sometimes, we can’t figure out how life was twenty, even ten years ago. This is how much our lives have changed.

Despite it all, there is a good dose of misunderstanding when it comes to the internet persona. Online identity is frequently misinterpreted. Hence, criticism turns out to be an unavoidable consequence.

When speaking about bloggers, the resulting reactions are quite obvious – the internet is packed with sceptical comments judging any kind of content creator, and even with hate forums (yes, I am looking at you, GOMIBLOG). But what are the origins of such a prejudice palette? Well, on the one hand, it could be argued that it is a brand new industry which has been out there for a relatively short period of time. Many people are naturally suspicious of non-traditional business, which makes blogging an obvious target. On the other hand, the editing work most creators put into their projects to make their content appealing can be seen as counterproductive. Some people misjudge it and think it is an accurate description of reality, sometimes based on the massive success of a little number of exceptional influencers.

Even before I started blogging, I was quite conscious about the intimidating number of comments you can hear and read out there. Bloggers, YouTubers, Instagrammers… they are all frequently accused of living according to privileged standards. Sometimes, on a total paradox, they are also called fake.

Well, this is the thing – many people will never understand online publications are no different from printed magazines or TV shows. We are talking about a marketing job. And marketing requires continuous edition.

With that said, it should be a no-brainer to understand that the common blogger living standards are just the same as everyone else. And even so, I stumble upon unrealistic misconceptions every week. Since I am a bit of a clown, I thought it could be fun to post a day in a bloggers routine, only focused on people beliefs compared to real life. So here you go…

A Day in a blogger’s life: Expectations vs. Reality
(Disclaimer: I am not responsible for bursting your bubble, sorry…)

Expectations: Monday, 9:00 AM (Paris, France)

The morning sunlight wakes me up in the room at the Shangri-La my kind sponsors have paid for. The first thing I see is the magnificent tour Eiffel silhouette greeting me on my first day in Paris.

Reality: Monday, 7.00 AM (My apartment)

My phone alarm rings a bit too early. It is still dark and I am sleepy. The first thing I see is a ghost. WHAT?! Why is there a sinister human shape in our bedroom corner?! I turn the lights on in panic, my heart about to explode. Oh… it was just the clean laundry pile on a chair, waiting for us to fold it. Holy crap. I need my coffee.

Expectations: 9:30 AM (A room terrace in the Shangri-La)

I just had the greatest hydro therapy morning shower. By the time I sit down in the sunny private terrace, the room service has already served a feast made of delicious butter croissants, pain au chocolat, strawberries, and coffee. They also brought me some fresh peonies. I take some quick Instagram snaps that require no filter. #awesome

Reality: 07.30 AM (Still, my apartment)

I leave the morning shower just to discover we forgot to buy real coffee. Again. Decaf will have to do. Such a lovely Monday start.

Expectations: 10:00 AM (Again in the hotel room)

While the very nice hairdresser finishes her work, I send a couple of agreement emails confirming my participation in a bloggers event tomorrow evening. My personal assistant will take care of all the details. Now, is this Oscar de la Renta skirt too dressy for a casual walk?

Reality: 07.45 AM

Where did I place the hair straightener? And my dress? Decaf is lukewarm now but at least I managed to click the “schedule post” button, so it goes live at ten o’clock. Should I re-check the spelling once again? OK, don‘t panic. I will be on time to the commute.

Expectations: 10.30 AM (Pont Alexandre III)

My car picks me up and drops me to Pont Alexandre III for the professional photo shoot. The photographer I always hire in Paris is very patient and knows my angles. It will be a relaxing fun morning.

Reality: 08:30 AM (Commute)

I am late, I am late, I am LATE. Did I really hit the schedule button this morning? I will quickly check on the phone. Why is there no reception now? Please, tell me I scheduled the post correctly… I would kill for real coffee, really.

Expectations: 12:30 PM (Café De Flore)

My fellow blogger babes gang welcomes me when I first arrive in Café De Flore. We are catching up a bit before moving to our favourite boutiques for a shopping spree. Our group picture hits 20,000 views on Instagram stories in about two minutes time. Isn’t this the best day EVER?

Reality: 09:00 AM (The office)

Well, it was scheduled correctly, after all. I will have to check the comments in the break and pray there are no typo mistakes in between. At least, I could drink a proper cup of coffee… Not the worst Monday ever.

Expectations: 13.30 PM (Avenue Montagne)

We are SO lucky there were special sales on Céline! I will make an unboxing as soon as I get back to the hotel. My Insta-stories will be on fire!

Reality: 14.30 PM (The office, lunch break)

Oh goodness! Do I need to update all the new post reminders manually on my lunch break? Didn’t the app do its thing? But WHY? Hello darkness, my old friend…

Expectations: 16:00 PM (31 Rue Cambon, Coco Chanel apartment)

The girls and I are having such a great time today! We enjoy our sponsored private tour while drinking some champagne. Once it is finished, we will take some more pictures for Instagram. Super productive Monday!

Reality: 18.30 PM (Back home)

Back home, finally! I make myself a cup of tea and and get ready to start the whole admin tasks on my pending list: comments, edition, pre-scheduling social media content for tomorrow etc. Sometimes, I feel as if 24 hours in a day aren’t enough to do all the things I want to do.

Expectations: 18:30 PM (Back to the Shangri-La hotel)

The room service brings me a tea cup so I can start writing a draft for my Paris city guide. No stress, though – my assistant already took care of all the heavy admin stuff, so I can simply focus on the creative part.

Reality (20:00 PM)

Done for today! Are those hunger pangs? I totally forgot to eat dinner (or drink any liquids, for the matter), thanks God Sebastian comes to my rescue with a quick spaghetti dish. Maybe I can quickly draft something for next week too?

Expectations: 20:30 PM (Kong restaurant)

The girls and I are having the most delicious dinner ever. Such a perfect end for a perfect day. We will leave the place early tonight, so we can all rest and meet again in the morning for the first day of Paris Fashion Week. #BLESSED

Reality (21:30 PM)

I suddenly wake up from a nap in the couch. When did I even fall asleep? Maybe, I should leave the laptop now and have an early night. Why is there a sinister human shape in our bedroom corner?! That laundry pile AGAIN. I really need to fold those clothes now. Oh, well… Let’s call it just an ordinary Monday. #DEAD

March 11, 2019June 4, 2019

Allegra Caro22 Comments

How to plan the perfect Hygge weekend: Allegra does Hygge

Do you know when you make plans for days and then life simply interferes with them?

I don´t know about you guys, but that is mostly my story.

It feels a bit like my own personal curse — I like to think of it as if I were Harry Potter, but without all the let´s kill Voldemort mumbo-jumbo, which is OK because I would not know what to wear for such an occasion anyway…

But back to the topic, If I plan a quick city break, usually I will also get an unavoidable social compromise on the same weekend. If I wish to wear a given velveteen dress to a special dinner or party, I will manage to spread some wine on it, which will require pricey dry cleaning.

Last weekend, Sebastian (my husband, in case you are wondering) was feeling rather poorly as a consequence of a cold he got.

Our original plans included an outing to the local food street market but as a precaution, we decided to stay indoors instead, and take the chance to cook some Moroccan food and binge watch Netflix.

Since he also felt a bit guilty about cancelling our plans, I tried to lift his spirits a bit by saying it was totally fine to have an unexpected Hygge weekend. He looked a bit doubtfully at me, and shamefacedly asked if Hygge was some kind of Ikea meatballs… I could not help myself but laugh at this cute question. Then, I tried to explain what Hygge means and found myself having a hard time to do so (I was not expecting this turn of the events when HE started laughing at me in return).

The thing is, you see, it is a truly difficult concept to explain since it means something different for every person. The commonly accepted modern definition for Hygge implies a feeling of coziness and contentment in everyday life, closely related to indoors and homely life.

But what does it applies to your own personal experience?

Well, that is pretty much up to you. For some people, it means drinking tea in their grandma china cups. For some other, it means to read a nice book by the fireplace.

As for me? Well, I inherited no china from Nanny, and as much I would love it, there is no fireplace in my Nordic-minimalist apartment either.

So how do I plan the perfect Hygge weekend?

Movies

The first thing you should know is that I watch a lot of movies.

And by that, I truly mean LOADS of them. The latest superheroes Hollywood release? Checked. That strange little Serbian film about the old lady, who sells her soul in exchange for another life year in order to solve her family issues? Yes, I have watched that one too. I am a films lover: I like the good, the bad and everything in between. However, when I truly wish to feel cozy, I always choose classic movies. For some reason, they remind me of my childhood days when my mother used to sit and watch an old Hollywood movie every weekend. So, whenever I feel like staying indoors and truly relaxing, I select a nice classic and follow the next step in my routine, which means…

Preparing a nice warm tea cup

It will be usually something containing bergamot, flowers, and spices — my absolute favourites. During the cold months and if I feel extra fancy, I will make myself a Chai latte mug, complete with some decadent cinnamon topping. Then I will proceed to enjoy it while watching the aforementioned movie. Personally, I consider this the perfect combo.

The importance of comfy clothes

Now, I got a nice film and some delicious beverage, but I am always sure I feel comfy too, and this is where clothes become as important as the activity. It is just a question of common sense, but you don´t feel very comfortable wearing a tight pencil dress and heels at home, no matter how much you love them.

When I stay indoors, I usually choose some comfortable clothes which can replace pajamas but still feel like a second skin. During Winter, I will go for a nice chunky jumper and leggings. As for the warmer months, some nice Capri pants and t-shirt will do the treat. As long as it is elastic and a bit on the baggy side, it will be OK with me.

Food

Another important factor for me on a long Hygge weekend is food.

We usually avoid Take Away in such days, since fast food can be satisfying but not very nourishing. Instead, we prefer to cook something a bit more creative: Asian Fusion, Italian, French cousin — you name it. Our last approach was an idea I got from Hello Fresh here, and that I simply loved. Their online recipe portfolio is a fantastic resource when we ran out of inspiration. After last weekend, I can guarantee their Moroccan lamb meatballs couscous is to die for.

However, if I am feeling a bit extra (and everyone who knows me will tell you I can be extra AF…), I will choose to indulge myself with some high end chocolate. I will neither confirm nor deny I am in first-name terms with the staff at my local Leonidas store…

Read

As a bookworm, reading to relax is like a second nature to me. Catching up with my latest novel on a Saturday morning while sipping coffee, has the power to rinse my mind from any negative energy. I don’t really care about the reading material as long as it keeps me unwired — classics, ghost stories, mistery novels… You name it!

Also, I truly enjoy either visiting the closest book store or searching online for a new ebook to read in advance. Even a look at my favourite magazines can do the trick.

Wind down

What I like the most about home days is decelerating the daily speed.

To me, it means to take the chance to ignore the phone alarm, waking up on natural sunlight, taking my time to get up and drinking a morning coffee. No hurries, no guilty feeling.

There is this little habit of mine, which consists on sitting with the coffee by my favourite window and simply looking outside. It might sound a bit weird, but I love to look at the trees, cars, and people walking their dogs. It brings me some solace and peace I cannot explain. I believe the reason is that I obligate myself to wind down.

And last but not least, every time I truly wish to enjoy some home cozy “me time”, I simply leave the phone out of reach. With this simple gesture, I guarantee I will not take it every fifteen minutes to check my Twitter, Instagram or whatever, but will properly rest or spend some quality time with my husband instead.

So what is your personal Hygge routine?

Any additions you can recommend to me?

January 28, 2019January 27, 2019

Allegra Caro25 Comments

Christmas survival guide: how to deal with toxic people in the festive season

Oh, the Christmas spirit! The silver shining bells, heartwarming copious meals, fairy lights and drinks by the fire… We all love Christmas, right? If only!

Unfortunately, together with all the festive songs and colorful socks, most of us also get another present – the traditional visit of that relative/friend/coworker whose only check off list is to be the biggest killjoy ever.

You know who I am speaking about, for sure. I am referring to that uncle who comes all the way from his little village in the countryside just to let you know your homemade gravy is dry over dinner, or that lovely friend who will create a wave of drama because, in her opinion, your party dress looks better than hers and she is not engaged yet… Seasonal classics, right?

Now, if you are lucky enough maybe you will be able to avoid that person this year and simply enjoy the holiday. For others, though, things might not be that easy. Maybe the person is a close relative, maybe your best friend or significant other.

The problem with the conventions about Christmas is that society expects us to be generous, even at the expense of our own well-being -which frequently translates into seasonal anxiety.

What to do when you are between a rock and a hard place, then?

Well, you could wait until someone forwards your stocking to you, yell “Dobby is a free elf” and run for your life. It could be slightly impolite and maybe not very sophisticated, though.

I have experienced this myself frequently too. Most of my Christmas since my husband and I became expats five years ago have been just us, and we like it that way too. We are relaxed people, who love to celebrate at home and not to over-stress about our social agenda. However, we have got family and friends we also love to visit and this is when things can go wild: mix up a narrow time to schedule all your social events and a bunch of people who do not necessarily know or like each other, and voilá – here you go, your own Netflix festive drama.

As years pass by and I become older but also (I HOPE) a bit wiser, I have developed a few strategies to keep my mental health intact, no matter what. The main concept they all articulate around is quite simple: you need to be a bit selfish. Some people will simply frown upon this thought but I do not care. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself first.

There are no universal rules here I can provide you with, but I will attempt to help you with some tips that work for me most of the times. I hope they truly help you wherever you are.

To me, the first and more important step is to identify the enemy.

Knowledge is power, and if you know who you are dealing with, there are more chances you make it. Is your brother-in-law a misogynist who will spend the night making ladies jokes? Is your colleague a complete moron who makes everyone at the Christmas party to feel miserable? Identify the criminal and then choose the best strategy to deal with him/her.

Now, in my opinion, the next basic step when it comes to surviving a toxic environment is to choose your battles wisely.

As I previously said, the problem is society expects generosity from us on the festive period, but this can be used by some people as an excuse to abuse others and expect no aftermaths. I usually make a decision based on the type of person I am confronting: are we speaking about someone who does not think twice, who drinks too much prosecco during Christmas dinner, or a narcissistic who enjoys hurting others?

It might look like this is a superfluous detail, but believe me: it is not.

It can mean the difference between an unfortunate conversation and a catastrophic scene.

I will illustrate it with a personal example: many moons ago, during some Christmas drinks with friends, a girl who I did not know very well casually commented my dress was almost a bit too glittery. Since I do not take things personally, I replied it was actually no such a thing like too glittery in Christmas. We both laughed and everything was left behind (or so I thought). But that night she also said my makeup was a bit too much, and the way I used the cutlery was peculiar… I was quite shocked by the subtle insistence of this woman who I barely knew to make unpleasant comments to me. Why, in the name of God, was she behaving like the ultimate evil queen?

Later, I had the chance to know her a bit better, and I realized the reason she repeatedly tried to tease me that very first night was her clinical narcissism – since I dared to outface her, in her opinion I needed to be punished.

Narcissists, you see, are not well-meaning loudmouths but people whose personality is based on one single idea: they are always right and their whole self-esteem depends on the perception others show to them. They need to be praised publicly and any behaviour they perceive as threatening must be punished. Also, they can use the pain they inflict as emotional fuel.

So what do you do when you find yourself trapped on a social event and you realize you are the target?

This is the most important advice I can actually give you: Do NOT take it personally.

It is not about you, is about them. They are going to look for a reason to represent drama, no matter what. So do not help them by showing you are offended. Since they can use your reaction as a source of gratification, try to take a step back and keep your mind cool and clean as much as possible.

A valid strategy can be to switch the topic of the conversation. But if the person persists, maybe you should consider initiating a different chat with someone else.

I will not lie – sometimes toxic people do not react to this strategy and insist on their behaviour.

If redirecting the attention focus to something else does not help, maybe it is time to introduce someone else in the chat, preferably someone who does not belong to the immediate social circle of the narcissist.

Usually, they need to keep a facade of kindness in front of strangers, so this can immediately interrupt the negative feedback.

If for some reason none of the aforementioned strategies proves helpful, please always have an emergency plan. If it is necessary in order to preserve your mental balance, you can even use what I humorously call extraction protocol. In case you missed it, in the context of military tactics language extraction makes reference to the process of rescuing someone when considered imperative that the subject is immediately relocated out of a hostile environment and taken to a secure area. In other words, time to play Dobby and to become a free elf.

There are several action lines you can follow here: get an emergency contact who can pick you up last minute if required, pretend you are late to that super important meetup or establish a security word to leave the place with your significant other (my personal favourite). Whatever you do, do not feel guilty. You tried your best and there is no need to be someone else mat. Simply keep calm, and leave the place as soon as possible. You will feel better in no time, I promise.

At the end of the day, please remember one thing only: the most important gift you can be given in Christmas is respect, love, and mental peace. Do not feel obligated to remain in a toxic environment in behalf of the festive spirit.

You truly matter.

December 20, 2018December 20, 2018