For as long as this site has existed, I’ve always wanted honesty to be one of its key core values.
If you are a regular reader, you´re probably aware of that already since I created an entire category dedicated to being bold about blogging and then called it The Honest Fashionista Diaries. So, case in point, I am going to be open with you about my late absence, today.
The last few months have been a strange period, to say the least. This year started a bit too quickly, almost on a hectic way for me—a new job, a new city, new opportunities… new everything—which made me feel rather overwhelmed at times. As a consequence, and as much as I hated it, the blog took a back seat. This decision was not easy, and I felt sorry about every missing opportunity to post a fresh article. However, I do believe you must give your 100% when you love something—and this website, guys, is one of my biggest loves.
While life itself was not contributing to the mind-set I need to write in here, I was also struggling in terms of mental health. Most days I felt exhausted and under the weather, which is an awful place to be as a creator. But I am not speaking about creating content only, though. I am talking about the perception I had on my self-worth and even my self-image.
All of a sudden, I began feeling not only my contribution to the blogosphere was insignificant but also resenting my appearance when taking pictures or simply by looking in the mirror. Age was certainly taking its toll on me: I felt old, wasted, and ugly. Even worst, every time we went out for shooting, I felt ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very realistic person and always knew I was no model at all—and that’s OK too. For me, blogging is not about that one perfect look but about writing and creating a nice picture to inspire others—but at some point, I got completely lost in the middle of the fog.
There was a moment in which I plainly refused to get my photo taken. Then, this whole crazy lockdown situation arrived at our lives and we ceased going outside.
Working remotely and from the comfort of my apartment, there was a period when things got even worse for me. I would feel utterly depressed by simply looking at the news and everything else seemed pointless. Hence, I stopped logging into social media and reduced my presence online to almost zero.
Back then, I began spending more time taking care of myself: I started reading every day, watching nice films, having lengthy baths, and taking good care of my skin. I started having long walks in the park (always keeping the safety distance for obvious reasons), reconnecting with nature, and detoxing from anything negative in my life.
After one month, I finally discovered the value of resilience. I began enjoying the quiet, the long conversations with Sebastian, and a good long morning meditation session. I began liking myself again—both inside and outside.
As time goes by, I keep healing every day. I came to realize it was all a matter of time: I needed to stop and smell the flowers, feeling grateful for every small blessing in my life. Because most frequently than not, we don’t pay attention to those little things, taking them for granted. It is still a work in progress but the whole point of this post is, as a thirty-something woman, life is difficult sometimes.
The raw truth is, the expectations list seems endless: Have children, keep yourself young forever, have a brilliant career, keep your home spotless, organize family days out, take care of your family/spouse. And it goes on and on.
With such a burden, when do you get the chance to stop and listen to yourself? When are you supposed to become the priority? When was the last time you said “enough of this”? For me, it had to be in the middle of an extreme sanitary emergency lockdown. It took that much of a change to give it a thought. As I did begin thinking more and more about it, another question came to my mind: How many women on their thirties, forties or older feel exactly like this? How many of us are struggling to cope?
And this is where I was going with all the rambling.
Whoever you are, whatever your situation is, you are not alone.
From now on, my blog will be a place where you can come and say: I am NOT ok with this. I will do my best to write for you, to post as frequently as I can about how to be your own best friend. How to stop feeling worthless, wasted, ugly. I will post on how to dress for yourself, take care of your mind, and soul, and feel better in your skin.
rogueandrouge.org 