feminism

What I’ve learned after one year of blogging: the good, the bad, and everything in between

They say time flies when you are having fun but the last twelve months slipped away so fast, I wonder if they even existed.

Fortunately though, I published my first blog post ever last November and since then, I have updated this site regularly, which means I enjoy the rare privilege of a detailed year record. Isn’t that something? I mean, I am the girl who doesn’t even manage to catch up with her Bloglovin’ reading list!—just imagine updating a website rigorously. But twelve months, fifty-five posts and an unutterable number of chocolate cookies later, I am still here (and so is this blog).

This year, I feel like I’ve written about every topic on Earth: from social prejudice to style advice, and from travel adventures to my experience visiting Vogue House. Surely, there will be many other topics to catch my attention but nevertheless, the most interesting part of this whole blogging trip is the lessons you learn on the way.

So let me keep this short and sweet, and introduce you to those modest pieces of wisdom I have treasured during my experience as a blogger.

01. Willpower Obstinacy is everything

Blogging, you see, can be quite a commitment: for many people, it might be only a hobby, but it does require discipline and a shocking amount of time from you. To be completely honest, I don’t even look at it as a hobby anymore but as my creative outlet, side hustle, and ultimately, as something that sparks joy in my life. Most of us would possibly agree that, if anything makes you feel that way, you’ll probably want to stick to it. No matter how challenging it is.

As reluctant as I am to admit this publicly, I’ve never considered myself a person with huge willpower. However, I am stubborn to an extent most people would find embarrassing. Let me give you a very concrete example.

When I was about ten years old, a classmate told me that girls couldn’t wear trousers. At that age, the mere mention of the words “you can’t” acted as a trigger for me. So, I did the only sensible thing: for the next three months, I refused to wear nothing but pants to the school. THREE MONTHS. I wish I was joking: my family still refers to this anecdote as The 1993 Trousers Debacle.

The point is, obstinacy is my blogging fuel—it keeps me going when I am too tired to plan the editorial calendar when I think it’s not worthy, when I feel I am not good enough. If like me, you haven’t the biggest willpower, obstinacy will be equally effective.

02. And so is honesty

People who are still active blogging readers are interested in inspirational content—that’s right—but not as much as they are interested in relatable content. In my first year of blogging, my stats show a prevailing success of those posts providing an honest angle, both in terms of page views and likes. Two of my most celebrated articles featured my sincere approach to an average blogger routine as well as my thoughts on the future of blogging. In both cases, the reactions were strikingly positive.

The conclusion is definite: we might enjoy a bit of healthy guilty-pleasure content (with a pinch of crazy fashionistas flying in their private helicopters to the next shooting location in the Himalaya), but at the end of the day, we all value down-to-Earth blogs.

03. Post about the things you care

You can tell when someone is writing about something just for the shake of it and for most of us, it’s a deal-breaker. Putting your readers off is the last thing you want to do because, before you realize, they will be hitting the back button and never looking back. To avoid that, you really need to figure out what is your passion. Are you a baker at heart but you keep posting about fashion trends? Time to stop it. Now. Just stop typing. I mean it.

04. Always be you (all the other roles are taken)

Please, learn this by heart and then write it on a post-it and stick it to your forehead, so you remember every time you look in the mirror: Let your personality shine.

As I mentioned before, most readers can tell when you’re randomly posting about something you don’t care but they also can tell when you are faking it. Look, I get you—with a blogosphere full of clones who will dress, pose and write the same exact way the temptation of blending in is strong. But believe me, in the long-term, it will do more harm than good to your blog. People like to feel the person behind the screen. YOU are the main reason they will come back to your site once and again. So remember this young Padawan: Fight the dark side of the Force!

05. Don’t forget to have fun

You might be ambitious. You might work very hard to transform your side-hustle into your own little business, becoming the ultimate #girlboss. You have all my sympathy and respect for that. But let me tell you something: If you leave fun out of the equation too soon, you will burn out in no time.

I assume the reason you are investing all your —probably scarce—leisure time in your site is because you love it. That’s the main fuel for most bloggers. So you need to be sure you keep the flame alive. Have fun while writing and if you need it, take a step back to evaluate your true motivations.

Are you blogging for the six figures income and over-night success? Then, and I am very sorry to be the one bursting your bubble. Blogging, you see, doesn’t work like that. Just like in any other business you need to be passionate and also very patient. But if you love it, if you are enjoying the whole process, it is totally worth it.

On the other hand, if you really love what you are doing, you will get the necessary motivation to make the most of it. And this is what it is all about, isn’t it?

November 11, 2019November 7, 2019

Allegra Caro30 Comments

Five amazing women-led podcasts to empower you

“Video killed the radio star“, or so The Buggles said.

With the social media bloom and the proliferation of platforms such as Youtube, the radio seemed a thing of the past. (And we couldn’t have been more mistaken, that was embarrassing… Oops!) Against all predictions, podcasts were born and then developed into an unstoppable wave. The secret behind their success might be their simplicity, as well as their mental floss dimension — they will brush your psychic over-charge away.

Personally? I value them as luxury self-care time these days, as I need to be present, listening, enjoying some mindfulness. And yes, I used to think they were Jurassic and a bit lame too (I am not the brightest bulb in the chandelier), but here I am now: I listen to them in the shower, while having my morning coffee, and — strangely enough — when washing my teeth. I am a total converse.

These days, one can find a podcast for every topic on Earth but I took the liberty of selecting five seriously amazing podcasts led by women for you. They are witty, they are badass and the epitome of #girlboss.

Do you want to know them? Here you go!

Five awesome women-led podcasts to empower you.

1.The Beauty Closet by Goop

On the first episode, I fell in love with the friendliness of Jean and Megan, who sat down with the wonderful Gwyneth Paltrow for some real talk. OH MY. You need to listen to her dissecting the essence of female identity versus gender roles, aging, and mental health on her natural, fun way. As Goop founder, Paltrow provides a unique angle to clean beauty and eating too. And yeah, don’t tell anyone, but my new mission in life is to become Jean, Megan and G.P.’s BFF. Just saying…

2. At Home With by Anne Newton and Lily Pebbles

Of course, you already know Anna and Lily, right? (If you don’t, just stop it there and google their names. Don’t even bother finishing this article. I MEAN IT.) Their catch-up-with-friends podcast format is nothing but addictive. I can guarantee you will feel at home while listening to these two chatting with successful bloggers and entrepreneurs, splashing their bubbly personalities in the process. In the way, you will learn everything about the fashion, lifestyle and beauty industries. Their biggest strength? They will make you feel as if you were having a cup of coffee with them.

3. The Goal Digger by Jenna Kutcher

Let me tell you something about Jenna: she is passionate about helping other women out. The Goal Digger is a business-oriented show, that navigates every aspect of building a project online: from Instagram sponsorships to generating a passive income. I find most of the knowledge applicable to my own blog and can only recommend to anyone interested in having a sneak peek behind the industry scenes.

4.The Influencer Podcast by Julie Solomon

This is the one I listen to when my morning coffee is not doing its thing and I really need that energy boost. I ain’t gonna cheat on you — I love Jenna to bits. She is friendly, she is bold, and she is not afraid to curse when required. Hitherto, one of my favourite episodes features the wonderful Casey Goode, who speaks plainly about how to create human connections and a long-term relationship with your online audience.

5. Unladylike by Cristen Conger and Caroline Ervin

“Find out what happens when women break the rules – those unwritten but all too real bullsh*t expectations of how we should live our lives.” Catchy, right? Please, don’t expect Caroline and Cristen to be your typical political correct hosts. They are more concerned about analyzing the roots and consequences of cultural constructions such as gender, race, or class, and the length of their impact on women’s lives. It might sound deep and complicated, but their show is humorous and easy-going, covering topics all kind of topics from makeup as a confrontational statement to how to kick off high heels at work. So, if you need a boost of confidence, this is the one to listen.

And these were my five top women-led podcasts recommendations.

Are you a podcast lover too? Which ones would you recommend?

August 2, 2019August 2, 2019

Allegra Caro13 Comments

The High Maintenance dilemma: is smartness underrated?

Raise your hand if you are familiar with this scene: you have just arrived at the office after a good hour in the commute surrounded by too many people, made it all the way in stilettos from the suffocating underground to the company building carrying your take away coffee, laptop and birthday cake for Amanda from the accounting department, and then logged in on time to collapse on your desk.

This morning you had to skip Yoga because your child did not feel like dressing up and husband had the flu. Even so, you managed to make yourself presentable. You managed to dress up for you, to feel good. Then, Tom and Claire from the Creative Editing team say hello and absently comment on how nice your dress looks and, you know, how hard it must be to get ready every morning because well, it is SO hard maintenance — and aren´t you actually sick of spending some much time just to get ready in the morning when you have much more productive things to do, surely?

The thing is, you see, Tom and Claire do not mean IT is high maintenance. They mean YOU are. Déjà vu, anyone?

Shockingly, it seems to be socially acceptable to comment on other people appearance these days, especially women’s. With social media blooming, everyone spends a lot of time leaving opinions on posts to perfect strangers (“What a stunning outfit!” “Is that your husband?” “But have you gained some weight lately?”) and the scope of this phenomenon has naturally transformed our daily interactions. People seem to feel entitled to comment in real life too, just as they would on Instagram, and not always out of kindness. If you take a minute to scratch the surface, an interesting patina of tones appears underneath — the complete palette of social prejudice. Misconceptions die hard, even in the age of political correctness.

One of my personal pet peeves is related to criticism towards smartness.

Very frequently, people will frown at the sight of a nice dress, coat or bag, and discreetly let you know they don’t approve. The succession of reasons provided will pour like rain over you — it is too expensive, impractical, pretentious. But where is this perception coming from? And is elegance considered a disgraceful quality these days?

It might sound crazy when you read all those articles on the flamboyant latest catwalk designs from Paris Fashion Week, but in my experience, most people do not appreciate that kind of stylishness anymore, since they cannot consider it as an integrated part of ordinary life. While maintaining discussions on the topic, they will argue that several factors need to be taken into account. Frequently, the first ingredient they will bring into the conversation is classism. I don’t know about you, but I take class discrimination seriously and I don’t like it to be used on a frivolous manner.

Let me illustrate with an example. A few years ago, still a penniless humanities student, I found myself having a coffee with a recent acquaintance I’d had just been introduced to. By then, I would combine my college classes with a part-time job teaching foreign languages to kindergarten and school children. My allowance was very modest, and I carefully saved up and prioritized my expenses. I started spending some time hunting for good quality bargains at vintage and online shops. As a result and given the circumstances, my wardrobe grew up slowly but successfully. The girl I met that evening did not lose the chance to let me know she liked my dress although she would not understand why would I spend “so much money” on it. “It must be nice”, she said, “to get your expenses covered by your very understanding family, right?” Then she made a gesture with her hand, vaguely pointing out my clothes and manicure (a manicure that I would give myself at home every time). She shamelessly implied my family was rather wealthy. And I was far too shy to correct her rude judgmental statement. Then she proceeded to complain about the hard time she was having to find proper accommodation for her next holiday in Austria. I swear God I am not making this up.

My point is this person (as many other) linked dressing in a certain manner with a well-off economic and social status. And of course, she disapproved. Paradoxically, she was doing far better than me then. There is a big difference between dressing on designer pieces head to toe and carefully crafting your style. Still, many people don’t see it that way. If you are able to gather a luxury couture wardrobe, good for you too! I see no reason to shame anyone here.

Next argument detractors hold against smartness is practicality.

We all know how crazy life is these days: we find ourselves rushing on a daily basis and sometimes we don’t even take a minute to enjoy. Now, I am as busy as the next person (just as much as you probably are) and always try to wear clothes which easily adjust to my daily activity. I work in the comfort of an office, but flats will win three out of four times when it comes to commuting.

However, since I have not much time to stop and smell the flowers, I like to do some small things to indulge myself. They do not need to be big impressive things, necessarily: cooking something nourishing, buying a nice book to read in the evenings, dressing up a bit. They are the small everyday pleasures I use to comfort myself and to keep inner balance. Even so, there will be always people judging you. Do not listen to them. As our friend Taylor Swift once taught us — haters gonna hate.

But my favourite plot is the high maintenance one.

Because well, you know, if you are wearing nice clothes it obviously means that you are some kind of spoiled creature, right? In the course of years, I have been seen people repeatedly gossiping about women who make an effort with their appearance. “But look at her!”, they would say, “She thinks she is some kind of queen, doesn’t she? I bet she even needs a maidservant to get dressed in the morning”. Do you think I am exaggerating here? I wish I was. I literally heard someone who used to talk behind my back calling me “a duchess”. In case you’re wondering why my only sin was to dress up for a casual outing with some friends… No need to say I have heard similar comments about friends, siblings and work colleagues.

Probably, the most unfair factor here is the insane amount of misogyny lying behind the question. Women are judged twice harder than men. If a man is smart, he will be usually praised for it. On the contrary, if a woman develops a taste for fashion, she will be considered frivolous. They will say she is wearing too much makeup or dressing up to catch men attention… However, if this fictitious woman freely decides to wear a bare face or comfortable sports clothes, she will be considered sloppy and lazy. Pick your poison.

Double standards will never let us women win and that is the reason why we need to stop contributing to the problem by criticizing other ladies and start fighting in the sorority team. I know it is not always easy, as we have been all raised on prejudice and socialized on a system whose deeper structures work against individualism. Every time we choose to deconstruct these ideas and stop the gears, we are placing ourselves in the line of fire. It is a conscious decision and it takes guts to do it. Still, it is the right thing to do.

Next time Tom and Claire make a passive-aggressive comment to your office colleague in front of you, do not look the other way. Let them kindly know it is not OK to express unsolicited opinions about other people looks. Maybe they are not conscious about being inadvertently rude. If they are though, you will make them notice this kind of behaviour is not welcome around the place. At the end of the day, we are all people who deserve some respect, no matter what are looks, beliefs or origins are.

And this was another episode of The Prêt-à-porter Series. In the next chapter, we will have a talk about some basic tips to dress up for a Brunch.

Stay tuned for more style advice!

February 4, 2019March 14, 2019

Allegra Caro10 Comments

The lingerie Morals (Why wearing fine lingerie doesn’t make you dummy)

We like to think of ourselves as modern and sophisticated, but we apply double standards on how we perceive designer lingerie.

While fashion media proclaims luxury underwear as the quintessence of femininity, the cherry on the cake of seduction, most women simply frown on the sight of a suspender belt. Not so long ago, a co-worker of mine embodied the commonplace in one sentence, “It looks pretty on magazine models. I would never wear such a thing, though”. Implied by these words, the hidden truth — no femme sérieuse will be taken like one by openly admitting she has a soft spot for Lise Charmel.

Many years ago, still a literature student and not a spare penny to spend in high-end bras, some friends and I were discussing the topic over cheap rosé. At the time, Gossip Girl was big on TV and we were simply breathless at how beautiful Leighton Meister looked in Agent Provocateur. However, there was some discomfort over conversation since none of us wanted to say we felt both inspired and maybe a bit jealous.

But then again, why did we react like that? By looking back now, a bunch of reasons comes to my mind. As the typical Humanities Bachelors in their twenties, we all considered ourselves as clever, original, and wittily critical with society, which made us unable to be more honest. In our defence, it could be argued that we were young and restless: therefore, a bit lack of experience, as well as a bit prone to the holier-than-thou nonsense (probably derived from a consistent diet of endless European cinema soirées, and the influence of the unavoidably pseudo-intellectual male acquaintances, who enjoyed mansplaining mostly every possible thing to us).

The point is we said many stupid things I will not reproduce here, but also talked about the over-sexualization of Victoria’s Secret angels on stage.

Like many other women, we felt intimidated by this unreal image of sensuality which unequivocally entails a passive gender role. We did not want to represent any of the associated parts — the virgin, the slut, the bombshell. By accepting these we would surely lose control of our bodies, our identities and least but not last, our lives.

At some point though, one of my friends introduced a twist-plot in the chat. “Why do you assume lingerie is just for men?” she said, “Why do they even need to know you are wearing it?” That, for a start, was an interesting question.

As much as we were hard trying to deconstruct our vision of the world, we would not stop focusing the whole thing on male vortex. After listening to a good hour of moral preening, she got sick and kindly explained an obvious but game-changing idea to us, the revolutionary concept of start enjoying ourselves just for the sake of it.

Lingerie could be fun if you simply looked at it as another form of joy and self-expression. She suggested — and this is something that has walked with me not only in my twenties, but also all through my thirties — to wear it, if we pleased, as an invisible armour. Her exact words were to get dressed from the inside. I gave it a thought, understanding that even if I had a lazy old jeans and t-shirt day, I could cheerfully wear my best undies as well. It could be like painting my nails red on a blue Monday, or reading my favourite author while drinking coffee in a nice quiet place. And what was the best part? — Only I would know.

There are still many things I do not buy about the whole lingerie business conception.

I will never be comfortable about how the VS angels are presented, or about how much transparency a single clothing piece can display on such compromising areas. Nevertheless, I truly share the whole new concept many brands have developed: from Dita von Teese to What Katie Did, some are now paying more attention to what we feel like, reinforcing body positivity in the process. This is for sure a feminist contribution: no more slut shaming, body shaming, or any other moral implications.

I bless the fact it is more about us women now, and a bit less about them. And I bless the fact that another woman was able to make me change my mind.

If you are reading this dear, you know who you are.