For as long as this site has existed, I’ve always wanted honesty to be one of its key core values.
If you are a regular reader, you´re probably aware of that already since I created an entire category dedicated to being bold about blogging and then called it The Honest Fashionista Diaries. So, case in point, I am going to be open with you about my late absence, today.
The last few months have been a strange period, to say the least. This year started a bit too quickly, almost on a hectic way for me—a new job, a new city, new opportunities… new everything—which made me feel rather overwhelmed at times. As a consequence, and as much as I hated it, the blog took a back seat. This decision was not easy, and I felt sorry about every missing opportunity to post a fresh article. However, I do believe you must give your 100% when you love something—and this website, guys, is one of my biggest loves.
While life itself was not contributing to the mind-set I need to write in here, I was also struggling in terms of mental health. Most days I felt exhausted and under the weather, which is an awful place to be as a creator. But I am not speaking about creating content only, though. I am talking about the perception I had on my self-worth and even my self-image.
All of a sudden, I began feeling not only my contribution to the blogosphere was insignificant but also resenting my appearance when taking pictures or simply by looking in the mirror. Age was certainly taking its toll on me: I felt old, wasted, and ugly. Even worst, every time we went out for shooting, I felt ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very realistic person and always knew I was no model at all—and that’s OK too. For me, blogging is not about that one perfect look but about writing and creating a nice picture to inspire others—but at some point, I got completely lost in the middle of the fog.
There was a moment in which I plainly refused to get my photo taken. Then, this whole crazy lockdown situation arrived at our lives and we ceased going outside.
Working remotely and from the comfort of my apartment, there was a period when things got even worse for me. I would feel utterly depressed by simply looking at the news and everything else seemed pointless. Hence, I stopped logging into social media and reduced my presence online to almost zero.
Back then, I began spending more time taking care of myself: I started reading every day, watching nice films, having lengthy baths, and taking good care of my skin. I started having long walks in the park (always keeping the safety distance for obvious reasons), reconnecting with nature, and detoxing from anything negative in my life.
After one month, I finally discovered the value of resilience. I began enjoying the quiet, the long conversations with Sebastian, and a good long morning meditation session. I began liking myself again—both inside and outside.
As time goes by, I keep healing every day. I came to realize it was all a matter of time: I needed to stop and smell the flowers, feeling grateful for every small blessing in my life. Because most frequently than not, we don’t pay attention to those little things, taking them for granted. It is still a work in progress but the whole point of this post is, as a thirty-something woman, life is difficult sometimes.
The raw truth is, the expectations list seems endless: Have children, keep yourself young forever, have a brilliant career, keep your home spotless, organize family days out, take care of your family/spouse. And it goes on and on.
With such a burden, when do you get the chance to stop and listen to yourself? When are you supposed to become the priority? When was the last time you said “enough of this”? For me, it had to be in the middle of an extreme sanitary emergency lockdown. It took that much of a change to give it a thought. As I did begin thinking more and more about it, another question came to my mind: How many women on their thirties, forties or older feel exactly like this? How many of us are struggling to cope?
And this is where I was going with all the rambling.
Whoever you are, whatever your situation is, you are not alone.
From now on, my blog will be a place where you can come and say: I am NOT ok with this. I will do my best to write for you, to post as frequently as I can about how to be your own best friend. How to stop feeling worthless, wasted, ugly. I will post on how to dress for yourself, take care of your mind, and soul, and feel better in your skin.
rogueandrouge.org 
This post is incredible. I’m so glad you realised that things were difficult and took the time to prioritize yourself. We don’t do this enough and I think by being honest about what we need for ourselves. And showing people that we can take a step back and look after ourselves we give other people the permission they need to do it too! I’m so glad you’re feeling better and had the time to look after yourself. You are important and are worth investing in!
You put my thoughts unto words so wonderfully. Once I experienced this whole process, I came to realize other might be feeling exactly the same, and maybe silent about it too. I think it is so important to stop for a bit and analyze all that doesn’t work in your presence circumstances in order to recover.
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a thoughtful comment. It is very much appreciated.
This sound so positive and encouraging! It takes a lot to say “I need to be kind to myself” and why not be your own best friend after all? You’re always there for you. This was a great post and I look forward to seeing more.
Thank you so very much Rebecca, and be very welcome to my place! As you said, being kind to yourself is probably the most important thing you can do. We need to learn how important it is and make it a normal part of our lives too.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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¡Gracias por pasarte por aquí amore! 😘
I think we all got used to live through social media covered with a nice veil while suffering daily.
I feel like 2020 is being a year of awareness about it because we all ended up in the same situation: stuck at home with more extra time to stop and think about everything around us: it’s not just happy and beautiful things.
We all have our problems and masking them won’t solve them … so it’s time to face them, fix them, or accept them.
Well done whit the change!
2020 has taken its toll with everybody, that’s for sure. I’d like to think that it affected some toxic routines positively (and I hope this is my case too), but I see that, as many people are back to normal life tol a certain extent, they hurry to old habits as well… Well, I guess it is a long process and is just a question to take one step at the time for everyone.
Yay!!!!! Welcome back to the blogging world! I’m excited to read your next post. Pls keep on the good work. I always enjoyed reading your blog.
Hi Fadima! It feels good to be back, thank you for taking the time to stop and say hello. 🙂 I will make my best to keep posting regularly.
Welcome back! Have missed your posts. Totally get what you’re saying. I heard an interview with Mel Robbins recently in which she described Covid, lockdowns etc as ‘The Big Pause’. It led me to think about my late parents, for whom World War 2 was their ‘big pause’. The effects of a big pause are massive, in both positive and negative ways, as you say. It certainly forces us into longer moments of reflection and stocktaking than we would normally have. But like you I’ve concluded that for the most part, this is a good thing. Maybe every generation is meant to have its own big pause. It’s how we react, and what we do with it, that counts 🙂
Hi there Carole! What you said about your parents is so interesting. I had never considered it under that perspective but yeah, I do think in this case it’s all about the way we use that unexpected time.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for sharing. I’m excited about the changes you want to make in your blog and I’m looking forward to seeing more blog posts from you. Welcome back.🤗
Thank you so very much for your nice words, Nianni. It is truly appreciated.
You’re welcome. 🤗
This post was so relatable. ❤️
I often feel the need to take a step back and take care of my own mental health and well-being and sometimes that means not creating content for a period of time. Social media sometimes makes it hard to prioritize your own happiness – I’m so glad you’re taking your time and taking it step by step. Loved this. Definitely subscribing !
You are absolutely right. Suddenly, it looks like we have to feel bad about taking off time and I am not ok with that. Taking care of yourself should be always a priority.
Keen to get to know you. Be very welcome to my place, girl.
Congratulation for the new job and thanks for the place people
can find themself. That’s the passion, keep up the inspiration..
Thank you very much for your good wishes. I will do my best to keep up working in the blog since it makes me happy.
Blogging has always been a comfort zone for me. I don’t know that I’ll ever get internet-famous off my writing, but the small connections I do make with people online are very satisfying for me. Most days as a stay at home mom I feel like I connect with no one. Being able to reach other people like me helps me get me through the days easier.
Hi there Patty and thank you for commenting! I think I know what you mean. This year, especially during lockdown, it could feel rather lonely. I am glad to hear you use blogging as a tool to connect with others (which it can make such a difference for our mental health these days). It is all about the small connections, really. I think the human factor is what makes us all to start our blogs on the first place.
Dear Allegra,
You can be so proud of yourself that you speak publicly about what moves you, made you feel insecure and finished. No matter what age you are, you are busy with the traps that life can set you. Everyone distracts himself in his own way or tries in different ways to get back on his track – if he notices it himself and looks for a way out. To be with yourself, to appreciate yourself and to be completely with yourself, is the most beautiful thing you can show to the outside world. To be able to show who you are and to be accepted in this way is not easy for many people … I hope for many, many more of these beautiful articles from you. I like to write with you, because you are a very wonderful person!
Dear Anja,
Thank you so much for your nice words! They mean a world to me. You are indeed totally right about age: at the end of the day, it’s just a number and life will set difficulties ahead the path, no matter how old are you.
I want to sincerely thank you for reading the post, but also for taking a minute to leave a thoughtful comment.
I hope to hear more from you in the future.
Hugs!
Love how honest this post is! Sorry to hear you’ve had such tough time earlier this year, but so happy that you’ve found yourself again at the end of it! I think the pandemic has forced a lot of us to take a good look into the mirror and go back to basics, decreasing the time spent online and increasing the amount we spend living our actual lives and learning to appreciate it. This has been needed, we were about to forget how great our lives are but we’re finally taking back control. Keep it up, girl!
Teresa Maria | Outlandish Blog
Slowing down can be a good therapy once in a while. In all honesty and a horrific in so many ways, the pandemic also provided us with the reare gift of time. As a society, I think we truly needed the chance to stop and re-think about many things we were ignoring or taking for granted.
Thank you so very much for commenting Teresa!
Your post is very moving. Exactly the thoughts of a woman at one point of her life. Don’t worry we all go through a phase, no matter what people advice us, we just can’t help to feel low. I’m glad you came out of this. We have to fight back. And in life, probably there will be many episodes such as this but we need a firm grip and resurface every not so good phase. Keep it up! You’re not alone. Keep on loving yourself and everyone and everything around you. 💕
Thank you very much, Vinn! Your words are truly kind. I agree it’s just a phase. Generally speaking, I am such a bubbly person but 2020 was a hard year for everyone. Hopefully, it will be better eventually. 🙂